Forgiveness
Mercy: when we don’t get what we deserve
Lam 3:22-23
Because of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. 23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
Do you know what mercy protects us from? It protects us from Justice.
Justice is when we get what we deserve. Do the crime. Do the time.
Our offense was against God. We did not believe Him – what He said do, how He said to live, how He said to treat others, so we did not obey him.
We sinned. We deserved Justice. But Jesus came, so that we could receive Mercy instead.
We did the crime, but Jesus did the time.
Matt 26:28 says that Jesus’ blood was poured out for many so our sins would be forgiven.
We are forgiven! After we are forgiven, we are charged and challenged to pass that forgiveness on. To forgive others
To emphasize that, in Matt 18:23-34 Jesus tells the story about a man who owed a debt that was equal to 7 ½ years pay. His master had compassion on him and forgave the debt
Someone owed him the equivalent of 3 months’ pay… He did not have mercy on them
To help us understand forgiveness, Jesus repeatedly likens our offenses to a debt
This parable.
Luke 7:36-48, where the woman washes Jesus’ feet with her tears and dries them with her hair.
And in the prayer that He taught us to pray: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive those who are in debt to us.”
Now, this is where it gets hard. We love the idea of Debt Cancellation, and we gladly and quickly receive it, but we have second thoughts about giving it.
We’ve been offended. We’ve been misused or abused. We’ve been wronged.
They hurt us. We’re angry. It’s easy to begin to resent the person who wronged us, and we want to see them suffer for what they’ve done to us.
Because being hurt can evoke a fight or flight response, some just retreat into themselves and assume the role of victim. Their relationships and the events in their life are all measured by the offenses, and what they feel is the debt owed to them.
Why do we hold on to our offenses? If we are so willing to accept Jesus’ forgiveness, why is it so hard for us to give the forgiveness He tells us to give?
Sometimes the hurt is so deep and the offense so egregious that it’s hard to imagine moving forward without justice – ‘cause you want to see them get what they deserve.
For some, forgiveness doesn’t even cross their minds, because they are so consumed with thoughts of getting even – they want Revenge
Some people don’t forgive because it legitimizes their identity as a victim. The offense against you justifies your anger, or meanness. It excuses your feelings of mistrust in relationships. It’s easier to keep people at a distance than to work on a relationship or, especially, to work on yourself.
Some are SO FOCUSED on Having Been Offended that they never recognize their own fault of unforgiveness. They actually think they’re just protecting themselves, when, if they were honest with themselves, they would realize that they’re holding a grudge. They’re mad and want everyone else to be mad with them.
Some of you don’t forgive because you feel like if you forgive the person who wronged you, you are freeing them from their debt and they’re not being punished for what they did. Why should you forgive them if they don’t admit their wrong?
Listen, you may be forgiving the other person, but you’re not doing it for them. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself.
When you don’t forgive, you’re wanting something to happen to the other person, but really, something is happening to you
· One, you’re carrying a burden that you weren’t meant to carry
To add to that, the Bible says, in Heb 12:15 “that roots of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”
In other words, bitterness is a root that causes stuff to grow inside of you
Stuff like anger and depression
What grows from those roots of bitterness keep you from having healthy relationships
Those roots keep you so wrapped up in the past that you can’t enjoy the present, and the bitterness prevents you from moving forward.
Unforgiveness can make you sick. Consider this: Some of you are actually sick in the same place where you feel stuff – Your Chest. Stomach. Head.
While unforgiveness can make you sick, the Bible teaches that Forgiveness is connected to Healing
James 5:15-16
The prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.
Ps 103:3 say, “He forgives all your iniquities, He heals all your diseases.”
So, you’ve got to forgive like your health depends on it, because it does
Studies have found that the act of forgiveness has huge benefits for your health: it lowers the risk of heart attack; improves cholesterol levels, your pain is reduced, and you sleep better. Forgiveness lowers anxiety, stress and depression, and it even benefits your blood pressure.
Learning to forgive not only improves your heath, it improves your peace of mind and can lead to healthier relationships.
So, is the stuff you’re holding on to worth it?
Do you hate them, more than you love yourself?
Forgive like your life depends on it, because it does
Matt 6:14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
But if you don't learn to practice forgiveness, you’ll be the one with the biggest debt to pay.
When you learn to forgive, you will no longer define your life and your relationships by how you've been hurt. You will give up your role as the victim. And forgiveness takes away the power that the offender had in your life – another person’s actions can’t hold you hostage.
You’ve probably heard somebody say, “We hold grudges in our family.” What they’re really saying is that unforgiveness is learned.
Well, forgiveness can be learned. And if you are a Christian, it’s supposed to be a family trait. As a Christian, you’re supposed to say, “We forgive in this family.”
Mic 7:18-19 says this about our Daddy: “You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. 19 You again and again have compassion on us,
You tread our sins underfoot and throw all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.
Our big brother Jesus asked for forgiveness for the very people who were crucifying Him.
Speaking of family – Quit holding other church members to some ridiculous standard.
Sometimes, in your judging a person’s actions, you’re actually misjudging
because they’re not acting the way you want them to act or you think they should act.
Well, you don’t always act the way they think you should.
You’ve got to stop being petty and judgmental in church
And if someone in church is like that to you, are you being spiritual in your response?
Find compassion and understand, and forgive them
Do what the Bible says in Col 3:13-14
Make allowance for each other's faults and forgive anyone who offends you.
Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Forgiveness can be hard and complicated
Matt 18:21-22
Peter asked Jesus, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "Not seven times, but seventy times seven.”
That doesn’t mean you let someone abuse you 490 times. When you’ve been wronged, we may forgive, but it can come back up again. You can be doing fine, but you see that person, or something happens to trigger the memory and it reminds you of the pain.
You may think, I thought I forgave them. You did. But you’ve got to forgive again… every time a negative feeling arises, or resentment or thoughts of revenge come back… Forgive. Even if you have to do it 490 times.
It’s a process to reach that place of forgiveness
First, understand that forgiveness is a choice and a change
It’s a choice that overrules your feelings and emotions
It’s a change in you, regardless to whether the person who wronged you changes
If you say you can’t change, you’re missing the whole purpose of Jesus shedding His blood for your forgiveness and your redemption – it’s so that you can change; and be a new creation. As new creations, forgiveness is not automatic.
You have to go through the process of “Renewing your mind” – casting down the wrong thoughts.
Pray the daily prayer that our Lord gave us, “Forgive me my debts as I forgive those who are indebted to me.”
That reminds me that I need His forgiveness every day, and He is quick to give it.
So as my debts are forgiven, I must learn to forgive those who I think owe me something.
· I have got to let it go
· Unforgiveness is a weight that slows me down
· It keeps me bound to the past
· I may want revenge, but vengeance belongs to the Lord
· I choose to walk in health and freedom
Time heals all wounds. The more severe the wound, the longer the time to heal, but it will heal. The wound may leave a scar, but it’s healed
Stop picking at the scab. That’s what causes infections
Forgiveness is the freedom you give yourself to move forward
I want to give you a new definition of Forgiveness
The same way you understand Thanksgiving as giving thanks, I want you to understand Forgive as give fore. Fore is a prefix pointing ahead.
My new definition of Forgive, or give fore is “Give it up, so you can move forward”
- You can’t unscramble eggs
I have a Christmas gift giving idea: The Gift of Forgiveness
Ps 86:5
For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive,
And abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You.