Marriage Roles & Responsibilities
We understand the gender differences
male & female – assume that understand the responsibilities of that role
When roles aren’t defined, there are a lot of assumptions & expectations
Unspoken expectations turn into unfulfilled expectations
Break rules didn’t know existed
ex. clean kitchen, make up bed
Not long before Disappointed, Frustration, Resentment, Bitterness
“They’re not who you thought they were”
After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: "Fear not, Abram,
I am your shield; your reward shall be very great."
When Abram was ninety-nine years old the Lord appeared to Abram and said to him,
"I am God Almighty; walk before me, and be blameless,
The Man is to Protect
The Woman is to Nurture
What is a man?
What makes a male a man?
Is it age?
Grown ~vs~ Legal
Grown ~vs~ Growing
Who teaches a male how to be a man & what a man is?
A Man is Responsible
“Responds” to his obligations
Family is his First Responsibility
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church
· Head is part of the body – Not a Boss
· Head protects the rest of the body
o Won’t let the finger touch fire
· Head and body communicate with each other
Sub Mission – Eph 5:22, 24
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
What is a Husband?
Husbandman: one who plows and cultivates land; fosters growth
1 Pet:3:7 You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
· the seed – know your wife’s strengths and gifts
o may mean getting through hard outside shell
· the soil – creating a stable, secure environment for your wife to flourish
o he is responsible; he provides and protects; he puts family first
· the light needed – spiritual leadership
· the water needed – ministry to her soul
o open honest communication – “send & receive messages”
o emotional intimacy – “naked and not ashamed”
o affection & romance – “say it with flowers”
· fertilizer – deal with friction and difficulty
· the seasons – changes that your wife experiences
· controlling weeds – time
· eliminating pests – wrong relationships & financial concerns
Priest of the Home
Spends time in Holy Place
Represents the family before God
Come out an be…
Prophet of the Home
Fore-Telling – Saying what God says
“Seer” – sees beyond the present & speaks to the future.
Vision & directions for family
Forth-Telling – communicating
God knows what you want, yet He requires that you ask Him in prayer be
Pastor of the Home
Lead – Give direction to life – Eph 5:25-27
Care & Feed (Provide)
A good shepherd selects the green fields for his sheep to eat in
Clear, calm, clean waters - vs - muddy, polluted waters (it won’t hurt)
Rest & Restoration – (He restores my soul)
Only lie down when free from fear, stress and hunger - Environment
Protection & Security – “so they shall not fear” – Jer 23:4
Defense against intruders – physical, emotional, spiritual
- For our children, as well
Eph 5:33. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.
We understand, accept and preach unconditional love – love songs, love cards
Wives have no problem here – God made you that way, do it naturally
So the command is given the husband to love his wife, because that’s what she needs
The Word commands the wife to respect her husband because
1. That’s what he really needs it, and
2. She is wired to love
But we draw back at unconditional respect
In our mind, ‘Respect must be earned’
The wife’s love is unconditional and it doesn’t waver
Even when she doesn’t feel loved, she doesn’t pull back her love
She pulls back her respect
1 Peter 3:1-2
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
This respect is unconditional, just like love
If he is an unbeliever or a disobedient Christian, does he “deserve” respect?
Yes! It is done in obedience
Your responsibility is to win him
Women, you must get over the notion that it is sufficient to “love” your husband
Because, while you are loving him deeply,
His deepest needs and desires go unmet
If love is all you need, why isn’t he responding to the ways you try to help him,
You confront and correct him, but it’s motivated by love
Why does he only see it as criticism, complaining, scolding, nagging?
Because love is not enough – you must do it with respect
Women want to be confronted in a loving way
Men want to be confronted with respectful
If you confront him without respect – it pushes him away
Because he feels disrespected, he doesn’t feel affection or love for his wife
The husband doesn’t respond lovingly, but he will respond respectfully
He has a code of honor
He doesn’t want to fight with his wife – physically or verbally
He shuts down and/or leaves to keep things from escalating
The wife sees this response as unloving
She tries to move in closer, lovingly
If she continues to press him when he’s trying to do the honorable thing…
Now his spirit is crushed and he shuts down in defeat – not won
She may have moved in lovingly – but not respectfully
1 Peter 3:3-4
Your adornment (look) must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle (middle between two extremes) and quiet (without agitation) spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
Confront, but with a “gentle and quiet spirit” – that’s respectful
What women invest into their look – not just makeup, but facial expressions
Most husbands don’t want to deal with their wife’s tongues and eyes
Prov 7:21. With her flattering lips she seduces him.
I’m trying to teach you how to seduce him, not reduce him
A man needs to be admired
Can’t always articulate it
If a man asks for respect, the response is
· “You have to earn it” – (you don’t ask for it)
· “You’re being too sensitive” – he hears he’s weak for expressing a need
· Dismisses him – minimize his needs
Yet, women can ask for love – that need is valid
R-E-S-P-E-C-T Popularized by Aretha, but written & recorded by Otis Redding
“If I respect him unconditionally, he will take advantage of me”
Wives, how would you feel if your husband said ‘he didn’t love you?’
1 Pet 3:5-6
For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.
Sarah called him “Lord”
· She wasn’t afraid to give him unconditional respect
o she didn’t develop a “phobia” that made her keep her guard up
· Because her hope was in God
He shouldn’t stop loving you
You shouldn’t stop respecting him – don’t be afraid to respect
We think it’s Love for who we are & Respect for what we do
We reverence God for who He is
How to Respect Him
1st in your heart
1st in your life
Child come – take place.
Hadn’t worked a day. Don’t bring anything into house
Where God placed him – as Head: follow his leadership
Confidence in his ability
Trust in his counsel
Praise with lips and looks
Look at him with admiration
Talk to him like you would talk to your boss – thoughtfully, ready to cooperate
If you don’t, you leave the door open…
Prov 7:21. With her flattering lips she seduces him.
Are you seducing him or reducing him?
When Praises go Up, Blessings come Down
Pump Up – motivate him, give him an ego boost
Revere – stand in awe of, admire, adore him for who he is
Appreciate – value what he does
Inspire – energize him; let him know you’re proud of him – means more than a paycheck
Support – stand with him in his endeavors
Encourage – “put courage in him,” believe in him
Prov 5:19. As a loving hind and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love.
Man says “I do” saying I’m only going to do it with you “until death do us part”
He has been lead to believe that she will be as sexually interested in him as he is in her
He trusts her to be sexually available and to meet all of his sexual needs, just as she trusts him to meet her emotional needs
Unfortunately, many men find that putting his trust in this woman has turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of his life
He agreed to limit his sexual experience to a wife who is unwilling to meet this vital need
Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. – Prov 5:15
What if he asks you for water?
How would you feel if your husband didn’t want to talk or listen to you for…
3 days, 3 weeks
1 Cor 7:5. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. NASU
1 Cor 7:34. But a woman who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
He should not be an afterthought
¨ Men, you must ministers to her soul to have access to her body
¨ You minister to his body to have access to his soul
Respect is a powerful act that is guaranteed to move the husband and make the wife irresistible
A wife can mesmerize, tantalize and hypnotize her husband with respect