Marriage Roles & Responsibilities

We understand the gender differences

male & female – assume that understand the responsibilities of that role


When roles aren’t defined, there are a lot of assumptions & expectations


Unspoken expectations turn into unfulfilled expectations

Break rules didn’t know existed

          ex. clean kitchen, make up bed


Not long before Disappointed, Frustration, Resentment, Bitterness

          “They’re not who you thought they were”


Gen 15:1-2

After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: "Fear not, Abram,

I am your shield; your reward shall be very great."


Gen 17:1

When Abram was ninety-nine years old the Lord appeared to Abram and said to him,

"I am God Almighty; walk before me, and be blameless,


The Man is to Protect

The Woman is to Nurture



What is a man?


What makes a male a man?

Is it age?

Grown ~vs~ Legal

Grown ~vs~ Growing


Who teaches a male how to be a man & what a man is?


A Man is Responsible

          “Responds” to his obligations


Family is his First Responsibility




Eph 5:22-23

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church


·       Head is part of the body – Not a Boss

·       Head protects the rest of the body

o   Won’t let the finger touch fire

·       Head and body communicate with each other


Sub Mission – Eph 5:22, 24


Eph 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her


What is a Husband?


Husbandman: one who plows and cultivates land; fosters growth


1 Pet:3:7 You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.



·       the seed – know your wife’s strengths and gifts

o   may mean getting through hard outside shell

·       the soil – creating a stable, secure environment for your wife to flourish

o   he is responsible; he provides and protects; he puts family first

·       the light needed – spiritual leadership

·       the water needed – ministry to her soul

o   open honest communication – “send & receive messages”

o   emotional intimacy – “naked and not ashamed”

o   affection & romance – “say it with flowers”

·       fertilizer – deal with friction and difficulty

·       the seasons – changes that your wife experiences

·       controlling weeds – time

·       eliminating pests – wrong relationships & financial concerns



Priest of the Home

Spends time in Holy Place

Represents the family before God


Come out an be…

Prophet of the Home

Fore-Telling – Saying what God says


“Seer” – sees beyond the present & speaks to the future.

          Vision & directions for family


          Forth-Telling – communicating

                    God knows what you want, yet He requires that you ask Him in prayer be


Pastor of the Home    

Lead – Give direction to life – Eph 5:25-27


Care & Feed (Provide)  

A good shepherd selects the green fields for his sheep to eat in

    Clear, calm, clean waters - vs - muddy, polluted waters (it won’t hurt)


Rest & Restoration – (He restores my soul)

Only lie down when free from fear, stress and hunger - Environment


Protection & Security “so they shall not fear” – Jer 23:4

    Defense against intruders – physical, emotional, spiritual

-        For our children, as well





Eph 5:33.  Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband


We understand, accept and preach unconditional love – love songs, love cards

Wives have no problem here – God made you that way, do it naturally


So the command is given the husband to love his wife, because that’s what she needs


The Word commands the wife to respect her husband because

1.     That’s what he really needs it, and

2.     She is wired to love


But we draw back at unconditional respect

          In our mind, ‘Respect must be earned’


The wife’s love is unconditional and it doesn’t waver

Even when she doesn’t feel loved, she doesn’t pull back her love

She pulls back her respect


1 Peter 3:1-2 

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.


This respect is unconditional, just like love


If he is an unbeliever or a disobedient Christian, does he “deserve” respect?

          Yes!  It is done in obedience


Your responsibility is to win him



Women, you must get over the notion that it is sufficient to “love” your husband

Because, while you are loving him deeply,

His deepest needs and desires go unmet


If love is all you need, why isn’t he responding to the ways you try to help him,


You confront and correct him, but it’s motivated by love

Why does he only see it as criticism, complaining, scolding, nagging?


Because love is not enough – you must do it with respect

Women want to be confronted in a loving way

Men want to be confronted with respectful


If you confront him without respect – it pushes him away


Because he feels disrespected, he doesn’t feel affection or love for his wife


The husband doesn’t respond lovingly, but he will respond respectfully

          He has a code of honor

                    He doesn’t want to fight with his wife – physically or verbally


He shuts down and/or leaves to keep things from escalating






The wife sees this response as unloving  


She tries to move in closer, lovingly

          If she continues to press him when he’s trying to do the honorable thing…

                    He explodes


Now his spirit is crushed and he shuts down in defeat – not won


She may have moved in lovingly – but not respectfully


1 Peter 3:3-4 

Your adornment (look) must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle (middle between two extremes) and quiet (without agitation) spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.


Confront, but with a “gentle and quiet spirit” – that’s respectful


What women invest into their look – not just makeup, but facial expressions

Most husbands don’t want to deal with their wife’s tongues and eyes


Prov 7:21.  With her flattering lips she seduces him.

          I’m trying to teach you how to seduce him, not reduce him


A man needs to be admired

          Can’t always articulate it




If a man asks for respect, the response is

·       “You have to earn it” – (you don’t ask for it)

·       “You’re being too sensitive” – he hears he’s weak for expressing a need

·       Dismisses him – minimize his needs


Yet, women can ask for love – that need is valid


R-E-S-P-E-C-T        Popularized by Aretha, but written & recorded by Otis Redding


“If I respect him unconditionally, he will take advantage of me”

Wives, how would you feel if your husband said ‘he didn’t love you?’


1 Pet 3:5-6

For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.


Sarah called him “Lord”

·       She wasn’t afraid to give him unconditional respect

o   she didn’t develop a “phobia” that made her keep her guard up

·       Because her hope was in God


He shouldn’t stop loving you

          You shouldn’t stop respecting him – don’t be afraid to respect




We think it’s Love for who we are & Respect for what we do

          We reverence God for who He is


How to Respect Him


Place Him

1st in your heart

1st in your life

Child come – take place. 

Hadn’t worked a day.  Don’t bring anything into house


Where God placed him – as Head: follow his leadership

Confidence in his ability

Trust in his counsel



Praise Him

Praise with lips and looks

Look at him with admiration


Talk to him like you would talk to your boss – thoughtfully, ready to cooperate


If you don’t, you leave the door open…

Prov 7:21.  With her flattering lips she seduces him.


Are you seducing him or reducing him?


When Praises go Up, Blessings come Down

Pump Up – motivate him, give him an ego boost

Revere – stand in awe of, admire, adore him for who he is

Appreciate – value what he does

Inspire – energize him; let him know you’re proud of him – means more than a paycheck 

Support – stand with him in his endeavors

Encourage – “put courage in him,” believe in him


Pleasure Him

Prov 5:19.  As a loving hind and a graceful doe,

Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love.


Man says “I do” saying I’m only going to do it with you “until death do us part”

He has been lead to believe that she will be as sexually interested in him as he is in her

He trusts her to be sexually available and to meet all of his sexual needs, just as she trusts him to meet her emotional needs

Unfortunately, many men find that putting his trust in this woman has turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of his life

He agreed to limit his sexual experience to a wife who is unwilling to meet this vital need


Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. – Prov 5:15

         What if he asks you for water?


How would you feel if your husband didn’t want to talk or listen to you for…

3 days, 3 weeks

1 Cor 7:5.  Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  NASU


1 Cor 7:34.  But a woman who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.


He should not be an afterthought


¨    Men, you must ministers to her soul to have access to her body

¨    You minister to his body to have access to his soul


Respect is a powerful act that is guaranteed to move the husband and make the wife irresistible


A wife can mesmerize, tantalize and hypnotize her husband with respect

Dwayne Hunt