Why You're Not Ready to Get Married

Colossians 2:8-10

Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ. 9 For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. 10 So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.

 

1.     You are looking for someone to complete you

          You are not whole

                    You must first be complete in Him – Col 2:10

                              Marriage should be two whole people coming together

 

          You are looking for “Love and Happiness”

                    ***Code for “Sex and Nurturing”

 

          You must learn to love yourself first

·       Love your neighbor as you love yourself

·       Love your wife like you love your own body

Shouldn’t look for love until you have love to give freely

         

          You think you’re grown – you should be growing

                    What are you doing to be better?  Physically, emotionally, spiritually

 

          When you are whole, you are more likely to attract a mate who is whole

                    You know what you’re looking for, but what is your potential mate looking for?

 

If two are better than one, how am I better by adding you to my life?

    How will you they be better?

 

You shouldn’t be with anyone who doesn’t add to your life

                    What do you bring to the table?

 

2.  You don’t understand the differences between men and women

          “Dwell with her with understanding…” 1 Pet 3:7

                    Not just biological

         

We treat them the way we want to be treated, rather then how they need to be…

 

          In stressful situations, men go into caves; women go into groups

                    Can leave women feeling abandoned

 

          Men are task oriented; women are relationship oriented

          Men focus on facts; women focus on feelings

          Men think in rooms; women think in open spaces

 

 

3.     You don’t know how to communicate

When you’re dating, your language is from the Book of Love

After you get married, your language is from the Book of Life

 

You don’t know how to say what you mean

You don’t know how to understand what you hear

               The serpent said, “That’s not God really meant”

                         Make sure there are no serpent friends in your life

 

You must take responsibility for your words

 

You don’t take responsibility for what you don’t say

               Body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, postures

                        

We are trained to respond to “the look”

               Singles use looks to ‘flirt’

                         But, after you get them you say, “I didn’t say anything”

 

That’s Not What I Said – Anita Cochran
That’s not what I said but if that’s what you heard
Then you didn’t hear one single word

 

          Do you know about Love Languages?

 

4.  You don’t know how to fight

          How did they fight in the house where you grew up?

Yelling, blaming, pouting, sarcasm, avoidance, crying, threatening

 

Pick your fights – what’s important

 

Deal with the real issue – really mad about something else done earlier

  • Stay on subject – don’t throw in the kitchen sink, stop put-downs
  • Think win/win – It is more important to be reconciled than to be right

                    “It is not how you get into arguments, but how you leave them”

 

          Lazarus rule:  after four days, it’s stinking

 

5.  You have not dealt with your past issues

          Abuses – verbal, physical, sexual

          Abandonment – parental, divorce, death, distance

          Relationship residue – Abortions, children out of wedlock ‘babymamadrama’

          Forgiveness – you have to much luggage

 

 

6.  You are not emotionally open

If you feel like it is all about protecting yourself, you’re not ready

 

Emotionally stingy – don’t let you in (Control)

 

You haven’t dealt with your fears yet

                    Commitment

                    Being Hurt – again

 

7.  You have not prepared for marriage

          Women, you have spent time preparing for the wedding,

but not prepared for the marriage

                              Picked out the tuxedo – looking for someone to fill it

 

          Men, you know what you want you wife to look like

                    But don’t know what a good marriage looks like

          Know what you want your wife to do

                    Don’t have a clue as to what her needs are or how to meet them

 

          Women, you don’t know how to follow

                    It’s not about equality, it’s about order & structure

 

          Men, you don’t know how to lead

                    Submission: Sub=under; Come under the mission

                    There must first be a mission for there to be something to come under

                              Husband-man: an agricultural term for a person who makes things grow

 

          Your financial house is not in order

 

          You want someone to go with you, but you don’t know where you’re going

 

8.  You don’t understand the Yoke – explain the Yoke

Deut 22:10 You shall not plow with an ox and a donkey together

 

2 Cor 6:14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?

 

It is not enough that they are a genuine believer in Jesus Christ

    They must believe in you & your vision & your values – & in themselves

 

          You are satisfied with adding, when God calls you to multiplication

          Deut 32:30 One chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight

 

You should only be with someone who Seduces you, not Reduces you

 

Pre-marital counseling & Pre-pre-marital counseling

Prov 11:14 Where there is no counsel, the people fall;

But in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

Dwayne Hunt